– The Most Emotionally Neutral Birthday Card Ever
Straight to the point.
No frills.
No fuss.
Just vibes.
Minimalist chaos energy.
This card is for the person who hates surprises, parties, and feelings. It’s not trying too hard — in fact, it’s barely trying at all. And that’s exactly what makes it hilarious.
Emotionally deadpan
Inspired by a certain office-themed TV moment
Subtle, genius-level sarcasm
For people who’ve ever taped balloons to a window and called it decor
This card says: "I remembered your birthday, okay? What more do you want from me?"
That friend who quotes sitcoms unprovoked
Your coworker who’s too cool (or too tired) for glitter and confetti
Your sibling with the driest sense of humor known to man
Anyone who has ever said “please don’t make a big deal”
Basically: if they love deadpan humor, this card is it.
Size Options:
• A6 – Compact and straight to the point
• A5 – Classic birthday-card energy
• A4 – For when you’re being ironically extra
Premium Cardstock:
Thick, smooth, matte finish.
Like your sarcasm — dry and sharp.
Blank Inside:
Leave a touching message… or just write “It still is.”
We’re not here to tell you how to feel.
Envelope Included:
So you can send this beauty off in style.
Or slide it across a desk with zero eye contact.
Because not every birthday needs to be a confetti cannon to the face.
Some celebrations call for understatement.
Some relationships thrive on quiet chaos.
And some people deserve the comedy of low-effort excellence.
This card is a tribute to awkward birthday energy, passive-aggressive decorations, and parties where the vibe is “we did the bare minimum.”
“This fulfills my obligation. You're welcome.”
“Cake not included. Feelings neither.”
“Happy Birthday. Let’s never speak of this again.”
Or: absolutely nothing. That’s the point.
Dispatch: 1–3 business days
🇬🇧 UK: 2–5 business days
🌍 International: 7–14 business days
Lost or Damaged?
We’ve got your back.
Just send a message — we’ll sort it fast and fuss-free.
Returns?
No problem. As long as it’s non-personalized and still in giftable condition.
Because sometimes, less is more.
And sometimes... less is funny.
✔ Unique, unexpected card designs
✔ Humor that hits different
✔ Paper goods with personality
Whether you're celebrating a birthday or just fulfilling your moral obligation to acknowledge someone’s age, this is the card that says everything… by saying almost nothing.
We’re not gonna pressure you.
But you are running out of time to be just the right amount of petty.
💜 About KEOLIX
KEOLIX is not for the passive, the plain, or the “meh.”
We’re the brand your neutral tote bag warned you about.
Everything here is handmade, in-house, and intentionally bold. From rude birthday cards to weirdly loveable stickers and statement prints, KEOLIX designs are built to spark joy, start drama, or add just enough chaos to your day.
Want to make your order giftable? Pair it with one of our handmade cards — we’ve got sweet, sassy, and straight-up savage.
Not sure what to get? Check out our bestsellers — the people know what’s good.
Need layout inspiration or want to see what people are doing with their KEOLIX hauls? We’re always building aesthetic combos and real-life styling ideas here. Go get lost in it.
KEOLIX isn’t just a shop. It’s a vibe. And you’re in it now.
✨ At KEOLIX, we believe small things can spark big smiles. Every product we create is made with heart, humor, and a touch of rebellion. Whether you're collecting pins, gifting cards, or brightening your space with prints, you're supporting a brand that values creativity, quality, and meaning. Our designs are more than accessories — they're conversation starters, confidence boosters, and love notes in disguise. Thanks for shopping small and choosing bold. Want more? Browse our latest drops, join our loyalty club, or follow along on social for sneak peeks and giveaways. Stay bold, stay kind, and keep collecting what makes you feel like you.
Not eligible for Click & Collect
Discount codes/loyalty points may not apply
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We are a small business individually packing & dispatching parcels Monday - Friday most weeks although some weeks we may experience slower than usual dispatch times. You will be notified as soon as your parcel has been dispatched.
We use Royal Mail Tracked 48 services for all our parcel deliveries (Parcelforce 48 for larger parcels) and rely on their services which may also experience disruption on occasion. Please bear with us as we all do our best to meet your needs and get your orders to you in good time.
THANK YOU
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