Older Than Dial-Up Internet – Funny Retro Birthday Card

📞 "You've Got Mail!"… and a killer birthday card

If you've ever had to explain the dial-up tone to someone younger than you, congrats — you’re officially ancient. This card is for the legends who survived the buffering wheel, MSN Messenger, and the terror of someone picking up the house phone mid-download.

Introducing our “You’re Officially Older Than Dial-Up Internet” card — the perfect mix of birthday sass, 90s nostalgia, and a loving jab at aging. It's funny, it's true, and it's guaranteed to make anyone over 30 laugh and then cry a little.

💻 Why This Card Slaps

Remember when it took 45 minutes to load a single picture of a hamster dancing? This card is that memory — printed, folded, and hilariously preserved. Whether you’re buying it for your bestie, your partner, your brother, or yourself (hey, no judgment), this one hits all the retro feels.

• Nostalgic Vibes: The design features a vintage landline and glitchy graphics that scream “I survived the 90s.”

• Playful Shade: It’s a cheeky reminder that they’ve reached relic status — with love, obviously.

• Conversation Starter: This card gets laughs and stories. Expect a full breakdown of their Neopets addiction or LimeWire crimes.

🎉 Perfect For:

• Birthday giggles – Especially the “you’re basically a fossil” kind.

• Milestone years – 30, 40, 50... you get it.

• Just Because – Because calling your friend old is your love language.

Whether they’re Gen X, Millennial, or a very confused Gen Z with vintage taste, this card is your go-to.

✨ Product Details:

📐 Size Options:

• A6 (small and savage)

• A5  (classic flex)

• A4 (bold, like their opinions on floppy disks)

🖨️ Print Quality:

• Thick, premium cardstock

• Crisp, full-colour print

• Retro illustrations with techy charm

📬 Includes Envelope:

• Sealed with style. No weird flimsy envelopes here.

✏️ Inside is Blank:
Write your roast. Share a memory. Add a modem sound phonetically if you’re chaotic. This space is yours.

🚚 Shipping & Returns

• Orders dispatched within 1–3 business days

• UK delivery: 2–5 working days

• International: 7–14 working days (tech age may vary)

📦 Damaged, wrong item, or postie messed up?
Just send us a photo within 7 days. We’ll sort it with a replacement or refund. Easy.

💬 Returns accepted on non-personalized items within 14 days.
Just keep the card in pristine shape and pop it back in the post. Buyer covers return shipping unless we goofed.

🎨 Want More Retro Sass?

At Keolix, we don’t do boring. Our cards are made to start conversations, trigger belly-laughs, and be remembered.

✔ Birthday cards that roast AND charm
✔ Wall art that screams personality
✔ Collections made for the cool, the quirky, and the emotionally unhinged

Join our community of card collectors, pun lovers, and creative chaos beings.

🕹️ Celebrate the Wi-Fi Warriors

This isn't just a card — it’s a personal call-out. A nostalgic slap of truth wrapped in pixel-dusted sarcasm. It’s the best way to say:
"Happy birthday... and also, you’re older than the sound that haunted our childhood."

Order now. Make them laugh, cringe, and feel gloriously vintage all in one go.

💜 About KEOLIX

KEOLIX is not for the passive, the plain, or the “meh.”
We’re the brand your neutral tote bag warned you about.

Everything here is handmade, in-house, and intentionally bold. From rude birthday cards to weirdly loveable stickers and statement prints, KEOLIX designs are built to spark joy, start drama, or add just enough chaos to your day.

Want to make your order giftable? Pair it with one of our handmade cards — we’ve got sweet, sassy, and straight-up savage.

Not sure what to get? Check out our bestsellers — the people know what’s good.

Need layout inspiration or want to see what people are doing with their KEOLIX hauls? We’re always building aesthetic combos and real-life styling ideas here. Go get lost in it.

KEOLIX isn’t just a shop. It’s a vibe. And you’re in it now.

✨ At KEOLIX, we believe small things can spark big smiles. Every product we create is made with heart, humor, and a touch of rebellion. Whether you're collecting pins, gifting cards, or brightening your space with prints, you're supporting a brand that values creativity, quality, and meaning. Our designs are more than accessories — they're conversation starters, confidence boosters, and love notes in disguise. Thanks for shopping small and choosing bold. Want more? Browse our latest drops, join our loyalty club, or follow along on social for sneak peeks and giveaways. Stay bold, stay kind, and keep collecting what makes you feel like you.